SPORT OR NOT A SPORT, THAT IS THE QUESTION
I am here to end all debates on what exactly it is you are watching on ESPN.
I have had this discussion many times with many people over the years, most recently my cousin Pete, and that pushed me to document it in writing so we never again have to ask the question, “Is this really a sport?”
Although as I mentioned I have had this discussion numerous times in the past, it all dates back to about 10-12 years ago at my buddy Jeff’s house. Not only did we discuss the whole sport/not a sport thing, but we also came up with guidelines for future debates (Yes, this is what the kids that did not drink or go to parties in high school did on Friday nights). Some of these guidelines raise some questions, but as of today they are in writing and are set in stone as the official regulations of whether it is or is not a sport.
RULE #1:
IF THE WINNER IS DETERMINED BY JUDGES IT IS NOT A SPORT
Basically what it is saying is that if it takes someone’s personal opinion to decide the outcome of the event it is not a sport. Sports use scoreboards. They keep a running tally of what you or your team has earned or accomplished. And at the end of the day you can look up at that scoreboard and it tells the story for you. It is clear as day, the winner and the loser. This always raises some debate because it eliminates a lot of things most would consider a sport, like Gymnastics, Diving and Boxing; however these are not sports, they are competitions. Yes I understand that they use scoreboards in these competitions, but so did Billy Madison when he challenged Eric to an academic decathlon. In these other competitions they compete to the best of their ability but after they are done, they wait for someone to decide who the winner is. I do not take away from the skills that these athletes have (yes I still consider these participants to be athletes, however that is not the case all the time as we continue), but I do not consider it a sport if a third-party member has to decide the outcome. The only tough part with this one is the fighting events, such as boxing or MMA. In some cases these fights are clearly decided in the ring and the judges have nothing to say with the outcome, however there are judges present and their sole responsibility is to determine the winner if it deems necessary, therefore it is not a sport.
SOME OF THE WANT-TO-BE SPORTS THIS ELIMINATES:
Boxing, Diving, most X-GAMES events, Gymnastics, MMA, Figure Skating, Ball Room Dancing (how is that an Olympic sport??) Moguls Skiing, and Synchronized Swimming
RULE #2:
IF THE ATHLETE/PARTICIPANT INVOLVED IS NOT PROVIDING ALL THE POWER AND ENERGY NEEDED IT IS NOT A SPORT
Sorry Dale Jr., Tony, JJ and all the other NASCAR drivers, sitting in a car pushing a gas pedal making right turns for four straight hours doesn’t make you an athlete or what you do a sport. This also eliminates horse racing and aerial racing (sorry Pete). If you are sitting down controlling something that is providing the power for you, what you’re doing is not a sport. I would classify this as a contest. Now, the horses involved, they are athletes. The jockeys involved, who are just going along for the ride, not so much. Again, I do not want to take away from the skill it takes to ride a horse, drive a car or fly a plane, but when you are racing these things yet you are not the sole provider of the power needed to win the race, it is not a sport. Man versus horse, SPORT. Horse versus horse, SPORT. Man sitting on top of horse racing another man who is sitting on top of another horse, NOT A SPORT!
SOME OF THE WANT-TO-BE SPORTS THIS ELIMINATES:
Auto-Racing, Boat Racing, Plane Racing, Horse Racing
RULE #3:
IF YOU CAN CONTINUE TO COMPETE AT THE HIGHEST LEVEL NO MATTER YOUR AGE IT IS NOT A SPORT
Sorry Gramps, we are not trying to offend anyone at the AARP but facts are facts. When you age you are going to lose a step, or a little hand-eye coordination, or some mobility, these are necessities for most sports so this is a good way to figure out what is and what is not a sport. Take for instance this past Sunday on ESPN they had Table Tennis on. It was the finals of some big event. On one side of the table there was a 20-something year old and on the other, there was this guy.
Wayne Obertone. Mr. Obertone is 73 years old. I would like to thank Jeremiah for letting me know this was on TV all be it for just the last five minutes. The entertainment value that was provided watching this was through the roof. However, it still does not make it a sport. Some people would argue that golf would be eliminated by this rule, however it is not. Although you tend to see guys that look a lot like Wayne on the courses every day getting their senior rates, the quality of their play has diminished over the years. That is why they have the Senior Tour and the Champions Tour, because those guys can no longer compete with the youngsters.
SOME OF THE WANT-TO-BE SPORTS THIS ELIMINATES:
Table Tennis, Curling
RULE #4:
IF YOU CAN PREFORM THIS SKILL IN A BAR LIKE SETTING IT IS NOT A SPORT
It is proven that alcohol impairs judgment and all basic motor skills, so do you really think that a bar like setting brings out the best in athletes? Yes, playing pool and throwing darts while have a couple drinks is fun, but that does not make it a sports. Bowling is a tough one for me here, because it is clearly set in a drinker-friendly atmosphere however it is not directly in a bar. I guess the deal breaker for me on bowling is that I have never seen a bowling alley without some sort of bar/restaurant/place to obtain alcohol. In that case bowling is out too.
SOME OF THE WANT-TO-BE SPORTS THIS ELIMINATES:
Billards, Darts, Bowling, Cornhole (Baggio, Bag Toss)
So there you have it, the 4 basic rules of sports. Since I am the creator of these rules I do reserve the right to change/add to/tweak any of them when I feel it is necessary.
14 comments:
I tend to agree -- ESPECIALLY with the whole judging thing. The fact people call figure skating and diving sports kills me. Same with cheerleading.
i'm just home from work so this comment may be loopy, but YES. Your guidelines are correct and should be followed at all times. I would add POKER to the list. I would also cry in angst that BALLROOM DANCING is Olympic, whereas 7s Rugby is currently under debate! Unreal!
One last thing I might mention, however, comes from living here in Louisiana, i.e. "The Sportsman's Paradise." I dislike this designation as 1) "Sportsman" does certainly not imply "athlete." and 2) While hunting and fishing are impressive skills when used with proper concern toward nature, a target shooting competition is also NOT a sport. The Bass Master Classic is Not a Sport (see also Boat Category).
I could probably preach more to this choir, but instead I'll just say thanks and go to sleep. Thanks Kevin, this was fun to find in my inbox after a busy shift.
Come on give table tennis a chance. I think 73 year old Wayne was not for real, unless of course he won. Usually table tennis is played by a couple of 5' 1" lighteningly quick Asians.
Also, another rule - A subset under the judging category - If you put make-up on and wear a costume as opposed to a uniform - IT IS NOT A SPORT
U HAR
I agree completely with your list, but I would also add that any skill that could potentially be used for survival should also not be a sport. For me this would eliminate hunting, fishing and yes running. I am well aware that runners are world class athletes, but if you can use your skill to survive, you are not playing a sport. I am not a runner, but I do respect the elements of sport to it, I have also never had to open mouth kissed a horse, yet still know if I did I would be considered weird. You see my point. 35 days to PITT basketball
Dad beat me to my point, but definitely if costumes (vs uniforms) and makeup are critical in the activity, then it is not a sport. This could overlap quite a bit with the 3rd party judged competitions.
Hard to argue any one of these criteria. Although, when you get your big "break" don't be surprised if your first broadcast is a knockdown, dragout chess match with all of the usual characters: the angry Russians, the MIT professor, the cocky Asian. Need I say more?
wow, that was pretty comprehensive.
What about bobsledding. you sprint for 5 seconds, but then you ride a sled for the other 5 minutes.
What are your thoughts on eating competitions. I think it meets your criteria, but then again you could do it in a bar setting.
All right I'm going to throw a little water on this list and in particular how come close proximity to alcohol eliminates a sport? Alcohol only adds to the degree of difficulty...I know because my favorite sport is picking up chicks in bars and if that ain't sport I don't know what is! In that event scoring is basic, it is physical, no judges, no machine aids (unless mutually agreed to) and both teams know when the point is made.
Oh yeah, I like darts too.
I am going to have to say Bobsledding is a sport. It is about physical endurance. Contrary to some USAF propaganda, chubby guys with high blood pressure do not do well in high G scenarios!
I would concur on shooting, most people get better with age WRT marksmanship. Marksmanship is all about skeletal stacking, breathing and patience. A possible wrench.... Archery? Requires eyesight and a steady hand... things that degrade with age..... Ruling? Then of course there is biathlon.....
Running not a sport? Are you kidding me?.... that is how the whole multi-trillion dollar industry started 5,000 years ago!
MMA and boxing.... I would not call them three "judges," rather three "scorekeepers." Really all they are doing is counting blows landed, no different than counting baskets sunk.... hence a sport!
Picking up chicks is inversely proportional to the Ping Pong argument. Though the "athlete" gets better at the "game." The "quality" of the "score" decreases. Experience does not make up for gravity!
HAIL TO PITT! (Please God, give us the Louisville Billy, not the Oregon State Billy today!)
You did not drink in high school? Are you sure you are from Western PA? Were you adopted?
I would have replied sooner, but I'm getting old and seem to have "missed a step" with my hand-eye coordination making my typing a bit off today.
Tommy's replied put me away - I know how old he is and Mother Nature dictates that he is "missing a step" these days. You didn't mention this, but if you need chemical enhancements to play the sport - you're NO athlete - sorry, Tommy.
Kevin, what's your stance on golf now that the Olympics have deemed it a sport? Some old guys( and gals) still play a mean 18.
Dude I almost got into a fight over this article last night. Nascar fans are stupid assholes.
Aunt Lo,
Now I didn't say I need chemical enhancement I merely was commenting on the close proximity to alcohol that Kevin deemed un-befitting of a real sport. I play my favorite sport on all turfs near and far from chemical enhancement (alcohol), thus I question Kevin's ruling on the alcohol issue.
On the other hand, there are times when conditions of the opposing squad almost certainly demand alcoholic enhancement just in order to remain on the field.
Uncle Tommy
Ok, time to answer these responses, rapid fire style:
Cara- Hunting is not a sport unless you are doing it by hand, the animals don't ahve an weapons, neither should the hunters. Even that I'm not sure if I would consider it a sport, but it should would be entertaining to watch!
Uncle Har/Bri- I agree, costumes are something I was considering making another rule for but I couldn't think of any sports where people wear stupid costumes or use tons of make up that didn't get judged.
Jason- Running are you kidding me? As for your arguement of a survival skill I kind of get that, but look around all sports and tell me what those guys would be doing if they weren't making millions playing sports? That is there way of survival! Think about it, what is Ron Artest doing these days if the game of basketball was never invented? Do you think James Harrison could hold a typical 9-5 job? You get my point, these sports are their survival skills.
Steve- I would prefer my first chess match to be between a human and a computer, but a crazy Russian would be okay too.
Budd- Bobsledding, YES! Although it does not take much that push start is all the power needed to compete and race, and that is all provided by the individuals in the race.
Uncle Tommy- No judges? Yeah right, maybe no offical scorecard, but both people are doing lots of judging!
Aunt Lo- Golf, YES! Yes old people are good at golf, but not at an elite level.
David- Yes NASCAR fans are stupid assholes! See I wrote to prevent arguements. All you had to do when the discussion started was pull up this article and have the stupid NASCAR fan read it, if they could!
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