SPORT OR NOT A SPORT, THAT IS THE QUESTION
I am here to end all debates on what exactly it is you are watching on ESPN.
I have had this discussion many times with many people over the years, most recently my cousin Pete, and that pushed me to document it in writing so we never again have to ask the question, “Is this really a sport?”
Although as I mentioned I have had this discussion numerous times in the past, it all dates back to about 10-12 years ago at my buddy Jeff’s house. Not only did we discuss the whole sport/not a sport thing, but we also came up with guidelines for future debates (Yes, this is what the kids that did not drink or go to parties in high school did on Friday nights). Some of these guidelines raise some questions, but as of today they are in writing and are set in stone as the official regulations of whether it is or is not a sport.
RULE #1:
IF THE WINNER IS DETERMINED BY JUDGES IT IS NOT A SPORT
Basically what it is saying is that if it takes someone’s personal opinion to decide the outcome of the event it is not a sport. Sports use scoreboards. They keep a running tally of what you or your team has earned or accomplished. And at the end of the day you can look up at that scoreboard and it tells the story for you. It is clear as day, the winner and the loser. This always raises some debate because it eliminates a lot of things most would consider a sport, like Gymnastics, Diving and Boxing; however these are not sports, they are competitions. Yes I understand that they use scoreboards in these competitions, but so did Billy Madison when he challenged Eric to an academic decathlon. In these other competitions they compete to the best of their ability but after they are done, they wait for someone to decide who the winner is. I do not take away from the skills that these athletes have (yes I still consider these participants to be athletes, however that is not the case all the time as we continue), but I do not consider it a sport if a third-party member has to decide the outcome. The only tough part with this one is the fighting events, such as boxing or MMA. In some cases these fights are clearly decided in the ring and the judges have nothing to say with the outcome, however there are judges present and their sole responsibility is to determine the winner if it deems necessary, therefore it is not a sport.
SOME OF THE WANT-TO-BE SPORTS THIS ELIMINATES:
Boxing, Diving, most X-GAMES events, Gymnastics, MMA, Figure Skating, Ball Room Dancing (how is that an Olympic sport??) Moguls Skiing, and Synchronized Swimming
RULE #2:
IF THE ATHLETE/PARTICIPANT INVOLVED IS NOT PROVIDING ALL THE POWER AND ENERGY NEEDED IT IS NOT A SPORT
Sorry Dale Jr., Tony, JJ and all the other NASCAR drivers, sitting in a car pushing a gas pedal making right turns for four straight hours doesn’t make you an athlete or what you do a sport. This also eliminates horse racing and aerial racing (sorry Pete). If you are sitting down controlling something that is providing the power for you, what you’re doing is not a sport. I would classify this as a contest. Now, the horses involved, they are athletes. The jockeys involved, who are just going along for the ride, not so much. Again, I do not want to take away from the skill it takes to ride a horse, drive a car or fly a plane, but when you are racing these things yet you are not the sole provider of the power needed to win the race, it is not a sport. Man versus horse, SPORT. Horse versus horse, SPORT. Man sitting on top of horse racing another man who is sitting on top of another horse, NOT A SPORT!
SOME OF THE WANT-TO-BE SPORTS THIS ELIMINATES:
Auto-Racing, Boat Racing, Plane Racing, Horse Racing
RULE #3:
IF YOU CAN CONTINUE TO COMPETE AT THE HIGHEST LEVEL NO MATTER YOUR AGE IT IS NOT A SPORT
Sorry Gramps, we are not trying to offend anyone at the AARP but facts are facts. When you age you are going to lose a step, or a little hand-eye coordination, or some mobility, these are necessities for most sports so this is a good way to figure out what is and what is not a sport. Take for instance this past Sunday on ESPN they had Table Tennis on. It was the finals of some big event. On one side of the table there was a 20-something year old and on the other, there was this guy.
Wayne Obertone. Mr. Obertone is 73 years old. I would like to thank Jeremiah for letting me know this was on TV all be it for just the last five minutes. The entertainment value that was provided watching this was through the roof. However, it still does not make it a sport. Some people would argue that golf would be eliminated by this rule, however it is not. Although you tend to see guys that look a lot like Wayne on the courses every day getting their senior rates, the quality of their play has diminished over the years. That is why they have the Senior Tour and the Champions Tour, because those guys can no longer compete with the youngsters.
SOME OF THE WANT-TO-BE SPORTS THIS ELIMINATES:
Table Tennis, Curling
RULE #4:
IF YOU CAN PREFORM THIS SKILL IN A BAR LIKE SETTING IT IS NOT A SPORT
It is proven that alcohol impairs judgment and all basic motor skills, so do you really think that a bar like setting brings out the best in athletes? Yes, playing pool and throwing darts while have a couple drinks is fun, but that does not make it a sports. Bowling is a tough one for me here, because it is clearly set in a drinker-friendly atmosphere however it is not directly in a bar. I guess the deal breaker for me on bowling is that I have never seen a bowling alley without some sort of bar/restaurant/place to obtain alcohol. In that case bowling is out too.
SOME OF THE WANT-TO-BE SPORTS THIS ELIMINATES:
Billards, Darts, Bowling, Cornhole (Baggio, Bag Toss)
So there you have it, the 4 basic rules of sports. Since I am the creator of these rules I do reserve the right to change/add to/tweak any of them when I feel it is necessary.
